Welcome back to ‘The Dean’s List’ – where out loud laughter is guaranteed. Well, I guess my first article was at least well enough received that I’m back for another crack at this thing we call ‘wrestling comedy’. Thanks for all of your nice emails. And of course there are those of you who are now and always will be nasty critics. EXCUSE ME!
And speaking of nasty and excuse me, in this article I will chat about Vickie Guerrero! I joke of course. Let me tell you, it must be truly difficult doing her job. To actually know that you are fat, ugly and nasty and to make a living because of those things – wow, that is true grit my friends. But no one plays the mean, bitchy GM better than Aunt “Excuse Me” Vickie! And I mean no one!! She’s one of the best heels in the biz folks.
Now, let me start by saying that I am a nice person by nature. But when someone plays the role of a vicious GM, then they deserve a little bit of teasing. So before we get to the actual “Dean’s List”, let’s start by breaking down VG’s lovely physical ‘qualities’, shall we?
Her smile looks like an amalgamation of Mr. Ed and one of the Bushwackers. I have one word for you Vickie – Orthodontist! She either has 4 or 5 too many teeth on the top row or she still sucks her thumb to this very day! I’ll let her piggyback on my dental plan if she’ll just get that dealt with, and soon! OK, next. She has more chins than a Chinese phone book. Here’s a phrase you might want to learn Vickie, “No thanks. I’ll pass on that 4th piece of pound cake”! And God bless her, but her forearms look like giant pork loins. She might want to consider just a few minutes on the treadmill every day. And lastly, every time I hear her yell “excuse me” my gag reflex kicks in something fierce. I have swallowed back more vomit than my pet dog. And by the way, this all may seem a tad cruel, but I’m not saying anything that many of the WWE wrestlers haven’t already said in so many words. So I don’t feel too bad. And let’s face it; I’m saying all of this for cheap laughs anyway. So chortle it up Dean’s List fans!
But this article isn’t just to pick on Vickie’s appearance. It’s to pick on all of her flaws. So today’s list will be the ‘Top 10 Rejected DVD Titles for Vickie’s autobiography’. You may have not heard yet, but the WWE is putting together a DVD on Aunt Vickie’s GM career in the WWE. These are the titles that some of the writers came up with, but then got rejected by Vickie herself. (You realize of course this isn’t true, it’s just for the article, right?! I had to say that so no one would sue me. The last thing I need is Vince on my tail!)
So here we go folks. Here are the: ‘Top 10 Rejected Vickie Guerrero’s DVD Titles’!
10. How to wear a gallon of makeup and still look like Andre the Giant’s mongrel niece.
9. ‘The Elephant Woman’. I am not an animal; I am a human being…sort of.
8. ‘12 Rounds’…of pasta and garlic bread!! A night at dinner with Aunt Vickie!
7. The life and times of Vickie Guerrero – General Manager, Wife and mother of 2…giant ass cheeks!
6. ‘Excuse Me!’…Vickie Guerrero’s life-long battle with flatulent control!
5. ‘Rolling Along’…how to put on the lbs. by using a wheelchair for no reason at all!
4. ‘The Mirror Speaks’…“who’s the ugliest one of them all…?!”
3. Ladies and gentlemen, Ms. Wrestlemania. Oh, and Ms. Pork Chop 2009!
2. ‘Monsters vs. Aliens’…your guess is as good as mine!
…and the # 1 Top 10 Rejected Vickie Guerrero’s DVD Title is…
1. ‘Drag Me To Hell’. An evening with Vickie Guerrero!
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