RAW this week starts with Lilian announcing Jeremy Piven with the high points of his bio. He comes out in a Trans Am. From the trunk he pulled another man who throws money into the audience as they make their way to the ring. Dr. Ken and Piven both have mics. Dr. Ken then introduces Piven in his own unique way. Piven then introduces Dr. Ken with his bio. Piven says he always wanted to do this. And there’s something else he’s always wanted to do. Piven runs up the ramp, puts up his arms and pyro goes off. Back in the ring he says it will be a wild night. He says tonight HHH will battle Legacy. Then Miz’s music cuts Piven off. Miz asks Piven if he’s having fun with his little pimp. Piven says he is. Miz says he’s enjoying making a mockery of himself. Miz says he’s an acclaimed TV star. Dr. Ken hits the mat laughing. Piven calls him Le Miz. Piven then goes off on Real World and makes Dr. Ken laugh. Piven gets a cheap pop. He calls him Le Miz again and says he doesn’t have the goods. Dr. Ken says Miz got burnt. Then every time Miz tries to talk Dr. Ken talks over him and pisses him off. Miz calls Dr. Ken ‘Lloyd’ which upsets him. Piven puts a binky in his mouth to calm him. Miz says they’re lucky he’s not there for them. He demands Cena after Cena got lucky last week. He says if he doesn’t get Cena he won’t hesitate to… Cena’s music cuts off Miz. Cena to the ring. Dr. Ken next to Cena pointing at Miz. Cena thanks Piven for coming to RAW and talks to Dr. Ken and a handshake. Cena says he had a match with Miz last week and it took two minutes. He has time in his schedule, but the WWE Universe has seen it. Miz isn’t that good and has a face for radio. They talk amongst themselves and ignore Miz. Cena says it needs to be special. Cena pushes Piven’s movie in a huge way. He calls Miz a rusted out Ford Pinto. He tells Piven he has to step up and make it interesting. Piven’s the guy to do it, he can see it in his eyes. When cars fly, cat and dogs speak English, people will remember two things, Piven’s great movie and this match with the Miz. Piven makes it a Lumberjack Match. Miz mocks him and says it’s bold. Piven says Miz will be banned from SummerFest! Cena corrected him and said SummerSlam. Piven says SummerFest too, whatever that is – covering for his faux pas. They go on to say Miz will be banned from the Staples Center. Cena whispers to Piven who agrees. If Miz loses he will be permanently banned from WWE RAW. They sing ‘Goodbye’ to Miz as he leaves the ring. The other three hang out and play in the ring.
WWE Rewind – Swagger last week against Bourne in a Beat The Clock Match. Bourne managed to beat Swagger.
Evan Bourne to the ring. Swagger to the ring to face him.
Swagger after bourne who ducks him. Bourne kicks Swagger then knocks him down. Swagger takes bourne down hard. Swagger with a waistlock and then a takedown. Swagger won’t let go until he tosses bourne into a corner. Bourne with a dropkick and bourne climbs. Swagger after bourne but bourne jumps down. Standing moonsault but Swagger gets his knees up. Bourne rolls Swagger up for a long two. Swagger uses power to take bourne down. Kicking bourne to the head then head first into a corner. Bourne slammed down and then Steiner-like pushups. Gut wrench powerbomb for three.
- Winner: Jack Swagger
After the win Swagger runs across the ring, bounces onto the corner rand then splashes bourne on the mat. Swagger then splashes bourne again. Suddenly MVP is there to protect bourne. Swagger flees the ring to avoid MVP. Swagger poses on the ramp with a glare and a big grin. MVP taunts Swagger.
Video of Shaq from last Monday night overlaid with audio from major media talking about Shaq on RAW. Went on to Jericho taunting Shaq, but Shaq not worried or interested. Shaq wasn’t even worried about Big Show, calling him ‘Fat Boy’ all night. He also referred to Jericho and Big Show as ‘girls’. They ended up facing Cryme Tyme with Shaq as the Special Guest Enforcer. At the end of the match Shaq ended up in the ring with Big Show. It was almost a chokeslam from Big Show, but then Shaq wrapped his hand around Big Show’s throat. Cryme Tyme came in for the rescue and then they partied.
Out back Piven with the Divas. Dr. Ken was being silly. Piven told Dr. Ken to become the Asian Assassin and to get into character. Dr. Ken called Big Show the Big Fat Show. Then Big Show was there and Dr. Ken squeaked. Big Show demanded Shaq back so he can destroy him. Piven said Big Show is slightly Puff, husky and the big machine. They want to elevate them to the next level. What does Big Show want? Big Show wants to face Piven! Piven said what about US Champion. Piven said he could face Kofi. Big Show liked that idea. Big Show left and Dr. Ken talked smack about Big Show. Dr. Ken then got going about the Divas.
Mickie and Gail Kim to the ring. Mickie in gun metal gray and Kim in yellow.
Video from Piven’s new movie ‘The Goods’.
Gail and Mickie in the ring being all chummy. Beth in black and purple comes out with Jillian wearing black pants and a light blue triangle top.
Beth pushes Kim who hits Beth. Mickie tags in and takes Beth down for two. Mickie thrown through the ropes hits Beth through the ropes and then climbs. Off the top takes Beth down. Mickie hung up in the ropes. Beth covers for two. Beth slams Mickie down hard. Jillian tags in and stomps Mickie. Jillian uses the whole count while pulling Mickie’s hair. Punches to Mickie and then she’s slammed into the heel corner. Mickie gets s cheap shot on Beth then head scissors on Jillian. Kim tags in and works over Jillian. Kim to the apron and then takes Jillian down through the rope sin an innovative maneuver. Kim takes Jillian down and a cheap shot on Beth as she tries to enter. Beth tags in and hits Kim hard. Chicken wing to Kim then to the mat. Beth covers for three.
- Winners: Beth & Jillian
The heels celebrate while Kim is prone on the mat. Video of the turn in the match. Jillian raises Beth’s hand on the ramp. Mickie with Kim in the ring.
Video of HHH in the ring with Cody while Ted tries to cause trouble. HHH couldn’t beat the clock, but came so close.
Out back HHH is heading for the ring.
Legacy out to the ring. HHH comes out with a entrance of over two full minutes!
Cody backs HHH into the heels corner. HHH throws him off and a cheap shot to Ted. Delayed vertical suplex on Cody and then a knee drop to Cody’s face. HHH telegraphs and gets kicked for it. Ted tags in and runs fast into a clothesline. Ted telegraphs and almost eats a pedigree for it. Cody runs in for the save and gets a back body drop. Cody tossed out with Ted flying out on top of him.
Side headlock on HHH from Cody. During the break Ted hung HHH up on the top rope as he climbed up on the apron. Ted got a blind tag and they double teamed HHH. Clothesline from Ted. Ted bounces HHH’s face in a corner. Ted stomps HHH in the corner and then Cody tags in and stomps. Ted tags in and stomps. Cody tags in and chokes HHH. Ted tags in and they double team HHH. Ted covers for two. Headlock on HHH. “HHH” chants. HHH to his feet and out of the hold. HHH is free but runs into a slam for two. Ted is pissed it wasn’t three. Cody tags in and takes HHH down. Cody covers for two. Knee drop to HHH’s face for two. Cody ties up HHH’s arm in his legs then puts on a chinlock. The announcers talk about how much both Ted and Cody remind them of Orton. Cody slams HHH down for two, but the cover was casual. Cody climbed and tried for a moonsault, but HHH moved. Both are down. Ted is spazzing for the tag. Cody craws over but HHH gets a cheap shot on Ted. HHH outside and sends Ted into the barrier face first. In the ring a high knee to Cody. Face buster to Cody. Ted on the apron but HHH throws Cody into Ted to knock him down. Spinebuster to Cody. HHH sets up for the finisher but Ted is in and takes HHH down. Cody covers for two. Cody seethes. Cody screams at HHH to get up. Cody hits crossroad for three! Ted bounces over the top and celebrates with Cody.
- Winners: Ted & Cody
Video of HHH removing Ted from the match briefly. Ted and Cody celebrate on the ramp. HHH gets a mic and screams “oooowww!” He said it hurt and didn’t go as he planned. He sits on the mat talking. He asks if these guys are that good? Boos from the fans. He says they keep beating him and maybe they’re too much for him. He used ot be pretty good at this gang warfare stuff. Maybe he should start another group. Or maybe bring one back. Maybe bring back Evolution. Mixed reaction. That won’t work. Orton’s a jerk, Batista’s hurt all the time and Flair’s signing autographs in the VFW. Maybe he has a better idea. Maybe just make one phone call. Ted and Cody look annoyed. HHH says he makes one phone call and if we’re not down with that he has two words for us! Hh leans on the ropes and looks up at Ted and Cody who look annoyed. HHH looks whipped.
Out back Divas, Piven and Dr. Ken are watching ‘The Goods’. Chavo comes in and says he loves Piven, after he can’t come up with Piven’s name. Chavo has no clue who he is. Piven then calls him Charro. Piven talks about Hornswoggle and Chavo says Horny’s been cheating. Piven says Chavo needs to take Horny to the mat? Can he beat him? Chavo then thinks Dr. Ken is from Heros. The binky back in the mouth and Piven says he has plans for Charro.
In the ring Carlito is pacing. Video from last week when Primo and Carlito lost their return match. Carlito went off on Primo and beat the heck out of him. Primo comes out to face his brother.
Primo tries to talk to Carlito but then beats on Carlito when he doesn’t comply. Head scissors to Carlito. Forearms and kicks to Carlito but then Carlito fights back sending Primo to the apron. Back in a clothesline to Carlito for two. Carlito from the ring. Primo flew out through the ropes onto Carlito. Back in the ring Primo pinned for two. Carlito gains the upper hand hits a spinning DDT on Primo from a corner for two. He does the same from the top rope for two. Scoop slam and elbow drop on Primo for two. Flying kick (that never touches) to Carlito. Monkey flip to Carlito. Primo sent into a corner but comes back with a back stabber reversal. Back stabber on Primo for three.
- Winner: Carlito
Chavo (and his hickeys) to the ring. Video of the Blindfold Match last week. The ref got the worst of it until the tadpole splash and three from Horny. Out back Piven and Dr. Ken on the tron. Piven says Hornswoggle got adult chicken pox, so his cousin Markswoggle will be filling in. Henry’s music hits. Henry comes out wearing Horny’s hat and a huge grin. The red onesie didn’t match the look.
Markswoggle took it right to Charro. Chavo outside but Henry threw him over the top and into the ring hard. Henry got Chavo up and hit the world’s strongest slam for three.
- Winner: Markswoggle (Mark Henry)
Henry leaves the ring, then pulls up the skirt. Hornswoggle from under the ring. Horny runs around Henry a couple times. Henry lifts Horny onto the apron. Both into the ring. Henry motions for Horny to do it. Horny up top and a tadpole splash. Markswoggle and Hornswoggle dance in the ring together, both wearing little green hats. Horny gets him to do the heel clicking jump. They shake hands before Henry pulls up the bottom rope for Horny to leave the ring. They celebrate up the ramp.
Split screen, Big Show and Kofi heading for the ring.
Dr. Ken in a purple fuzzy coat. Orton comes in. Piven says he knows Orton’s upset he’s not wrestling but he can Special Guest Announce Cena’s match. Dr. Ken offers his binky. Orton slaps it away. He says if he’d kick Vince in the skull, what makes him think he wouldn’t do it to either of them. Orton stomps off. Dr. Ken says he doesn’t like this any more. Piven puts an arm around him and they walk off together.
Kofi to the ring. Jericho and Big Show come out together to their hybrid music. Jericho to the announce table. Online voting said Shaq (83%) would win in a match with Big Show.
Kofi starts off quickly, but Big Show’s power takes over. Big Show easily picks Kofi up by his head a couple times. Kofi backed into a corner and the ref backs Big Show off. Kofi slapped to the mat and then Big Show with a food on his head. Kofi tries to fight back, but gets shoulders to the gut in a corner. The ref has to count Big Show away from Kofi again. Kofi kicks Big Show, but then Big Show stomps Kofi and slaps his chest! Kick to Big Show’s side and the up on the corner. Kofi flies but Big Show catches him and slams him down. Jericho trips over his Twitter wording. Big Show up on the second ropes and splashes Kofi. Big Show pins but Kofi gets a foot up on the rope. The ref stops the count and Big Show continues the assault. Submission hold on Kofi. Jericho asks King how many titles he’s held. King never answers. Colossal clutch through the ropes until the ref counts. Kofi gets a chop block on Big Show on the second ropes. Kick to the back of a kneeling Big Show’s head. Kofi up top and double leg drops for two. Big Show throws Kofi off like a doll. Spear to Kofi. Big Show puts Kofi in a corner for kidney punches. Big Show keeps punching through the ref’s count. Big Show won’t stop and the ref calls for the bell.
- Winner: Kofi via DQ
Big Show hangs Kofi upside-down and beats on him some more. Jericho into the ring taunting Kofi and poking him with his toe. Big Show and Jericho all smiles as they pose in the ring together.
King and Cole talk about Legacy facing HHH earlier. Video of Ted being knocked from the action, but then he came back in and finished off the match for HHH. HHH got on mic and pretty much said DX would be getting back together to face down Legacy and Orton.
Out back HHH is on the phone. He said he has a proposition for work. He said he knows he’s always said he’d never come back. HHH is shocked the person isn’t watching and is working. HHH says he needs him and is he ready. The person hangs up on him. HHH put his head in his hand.
A preview of Piven’s new movie.
Lilian announces the Lumberjack Match. Cena is out to the ring first.
Next week the Special Guest Host will be Sgt. Slaughter!
Piven on the stage and says he has a confession to make. He’s thrilled about this match. He’s a big fan of Cena’s but a bigger fan of Orton’s. Dr. Ken opens his coat to show an Orton shirt. Piven says he hand picked all the lumberjacks for this match. Dr. Ken yells at fans as they go to the ring. Orton comes out. Then Legacy and others to the ring. Cena looks a bit tweaked by it all. All heels around the ring.
Miz kicks Cena in the gut then beats him into a corner. Cena beaten down but when Miz comes back into the corner he reverses things. Cena from the ring but back in quickly. Cena throws Miz from the ring. Chavo helps Miz up and helps him slowly into the ring. Drop toe hold but Miz knocks Cena from the ring. Masterlock lock in on Cena outside. “Cena” chants. Cena fades… Masters drops Cena. Masters, Carlito and Swagger push Cena back into the ring. Miz covers twice for two. Punches to Cena’s head and then a huge clothesline for two. Miz chokes a sitting Cena in a corner. Dr. Ken makes noises outside the ring. Cena is whipped but gets foot up. Big shoulder block to Miz slam to the Miz. Cena sets up and goes for the five knuckle, but Orton pulls down the top rope. Cena from the ring. Orton slams Cena back first into the ring a couple times and then Legacy beat the heck out of Cena. Orton stomps Cena’s gut. “Cena” chants. Finally they roll a limp Cena into the ring. Dr. Ken gives Miz his cane. Miz swings but Cena gets Miz up for the AA for three.
- Winner: Cena
Suddenly Piven up on the top rope! He stands up there beautifully and then flies. Cena catches Piven in his crossbody flight. Cena uses Piven’s body as a battering ramp to wrestlers who rush in – Carlito and Masters. From behind Dr. Ken hits Cena across the back with his cane. Cena drops Piven like a sack and turns on Dr. Ken. Dr. Ken acts like he didn’t do it, tries to make friends, talks about how the good guys won, makes nice, acts goofy, etc. Cena finally extends a hand to Dr. Ken. Dr. Ken is all excited and shakes. Cena raises his hand. Dr. Ken thinks he’s in the clear, but then Cena raises Dr. Ken high in the air. Cena throws Dr. Ken over the side. Masters, Carlito and Swagger were supposed to catch Dr. Ken. They kind of caught him, but his head hit the floor very hard. (I could hear the clunk!) Dr. Ken grabbed the back of his head and was in obvious pain. Cena and Legacy on the stage stare at Cena, Cena in the ring stares back. Orton is seething. Video of Piven flying at Cena.