Written by Kendra Bunyon on May 25, 2009 – 11:22:38 PM
RAW this week starts with a Memorial Day video.
Music and pyro.
Lilian announces Stan Kroenke who comes out to ‘Hail To The Chief’ with a basketball in hand. JR and Cole show a video about the Denver Debacle and what was shown on ESPN as well as other large media outlets who jumped on the story. Huge heat for ‘Kroenke’. Kroenke goes over by announce where the commissioner of the NBA David Stern, Jack Nicholson and the owner of the Lakers (in the worst wig ever) all sat together. Kroenke gave the Lakers’ owner the basketball before moving around announce and into the ring. In the ring Kroenke got huge heat. He announces himself as the owner of the soon-to-be Champion Nuggets. He says he can’t stand the WWE or it’s fans. He asks if people think he cares that he screwed the WWE fans, he doesn’t! He has more to worry about than ‘you people’. He’s a world respected businessman. This past week he’s been vilified and made fun of by the media and everyone of us. As an example he shows a picture of himself and Vince. Vince with a halo and him with horns and a tail. He goes off about this. The fans cheer the halo. He said he’s not devil and Vince is no angel. And his Nuggets will… Vince’s music cuts him off. Vince struts out to the ring. Huge cheers for Vince. He says tonight he’s announcing the formation of a new professional basketball league. The XBA! Unfortunately it will be a miserable total failure because he’s having Kroenke run it. Kroenke asked how Vince dared. Vince said all he had to do and say he made a mistake and try to work it out. So they’re having fun and the fun will continue tonight. Vince goes off on E. Stan Kroenke’s name. Vince says he thinks he knows what the E stands for. Vince says it stands for Enis! How could his parents have done this of him! He’s an Enis! “Enis” chants. Vince says Enis rhymes with Venus. It might rhyme with genuis, but he’s not. He has an acute case of Enis envy. That doesn’t matter. What matters is his disrespect of WWE fans. He thinks he can push around the WWE Universe, but they push back. Vince pushed Enis down and he rolled from the ring. Vince starts to leave the ring but Miz’s music stops him. Miz says he wouldn’t think of interrupting Vince, but he has something important to say to the WWE fans. As we all know he became a huge TV star in LA, home of the Lakers. The team everyone thinks will become NBA Champions. He’s from the city that the real Champions reside – Cleveland. They might be down 2-1. James is awesome like Miz. Cena’s an overrated poser. Tonight he’ll run Cena out and become 6-0. Cea then comes out sans music. But two people run in behind him. Legacy attacks Cena, Miz gets into it too. Batista runs in to make the save. Then Big Show is in attacking Batista and Cena. Then King is there and attacks! Big Show takes King down hard. Cena and Batista toss Big Show from the ring.
Kelly and Maryse head for the ring.
WWE Rewind – Last Monday’s Diva Battle Royal. Kelly won after Maryse attacked Mickie.
Kelly to the ring in black and white. Maryse comes out to face her in red for the title.
Maryse poses and Kelly mocks her. Maryse takes Kelly down and then a back breaker for two. Kelly slammed down face first a couple times by her hair. Kelly pulled up by her hair and slammed again! Kelly reverses a whip and splashes Maryse. Springboard elbow by Kelly for two. Kelly turns vicious with punches on the mat. They go outside and Kelly is laid out on the announce table. The ref got to five of a count out. Maryse pushed Kelly over the announce table and then rushed for the ring. The ref counted Kelly out.
- Winner: Maryse
Kelly attacked Maryse in the ring, then Maryse fled to avoid the fight.
The Bella twins walk along with the fake Jack Nicholson out back. They talk him up in a big way. Then Goldust is there to shake his hand. Then Hornswoggle is there to shake too. Goldust said he was electrocuted a few years ago, but is fine now. They want to show him a scene. The do the court scene from A Few Good Men. Jack said it was alright and walks off with the girls – but looks nothing like the real Jack.
Video of Orton attacking Flair in the ring last week after Flair says Orton will face Batista in a steel cage at Extreme Rules.
Flair’s out back and Batista comes in. Flair tells Batista not to say it. He’s calling Orton out and will beat his butt. Batista asks if it has to be tonight. Batista says it should be after the Steel Cage Match. Flair said he’s not waiting for Batista to dismantle him. He’s going to do it tonight.
Lilian announces a Triple Threat Match. The winner will face MVP on RAW for his title next week. Matt Hardy is first out to the ring. Regal is next out to the ring. Video of Kofi beating Regal last week. Kofi rounds out the match.
Kofi attacks Matt. Regal attacks Kofi. Matt leaves the ring to hold his hand delicately. Regal gets a two on Kofi. Back elbow to Kofi and then upper cuts. Kofi is whipped but gets his knees up. Monkey flip to Regal. Matt grabs Kofi’s ankle from outside. Regal and Kofi clothesline each other. Matt comes in and covers each for two. MVP comes walking out to the ring to watch.
Regal has a full nelson on Kofi on the mat. Regal uses the hold to send Kofi flying. Matt rushes in with a pin on Regal for two. Regal takes Matt down. Kofi tries for a sunset flip, but Regal doesn’t go over. Matt comes over and gets involved. Matt hits a neck breaker on Kofi for two, Regal breaks it up. Arm bar from Regal to Kofi. “Kofi” chants. Upper cut to Regal but Kofi doesn’t get far. Clothesline from Matt to Kofi. Regal slams Matt hand down to the mat and works it over. Kofi up top and flies in a dropkick but Matt breaks the count. Dropkick to Matt from Kofi. Kofi takes Matt down. Double leg drop on Matt for two. Regal grabs Kofi off Matt in a corner and hits an exploder suplex. Matt hits a side effect one Regal. Matt takes Kofi down for two. Regal hits a suplex on Matt. Regal runs into Kofi’s foot. Matt breaks up Kofi’s cover. Matt runs into Kofi’s foot for three!
- Winner: Kofi
MVP talks up Kofi who comes out to announce. MVP to his feet and they get face to face and are both very cordial about it.
Flair out back heading for the ring.
WWE Slam Of The Week – Legacy and Orton faced Batista and Cena last week. Flair got involved, as did Big Show. Batista pinned Orton for the win.
Flair out to the ring in a suit sans tie. Flair talks about how Orton sucker punched him last week and had his way with him. All week long he’s been thinking that he’s Flair, 16 time Champion. Orton’s World Champion, but don’t feel sorry for him. Feel sorry for if he can’t beat Flair. He then demands Orton to the ring. Off comes Flair’s jacket. Orton comes out to the stage with a confused look. Orton asks what will actually happen if he gets into that ring and they fight. He should beat Flair down on principle alone. He can’t. He won’t lower himself. Orton says he’s not Jericho and Flair needs to listen. It’s over for Flair. It was over six years ago in Evo. HHH only kept him around because he felt sorry for him. The fans are starting to feel sorry for him. Orton tells Flair it’s over. Flair drops his mic. Orton again tells Flair it’s over and Flair bitch slaps Orton. Orton takes Flair down and keeps punching him. Batista comes out and Orton flees the ring. Batista keep Flair back and in the ring. Orton tells Batista to waste his time on this washed up excuse for a legend. After Orton beats Batista in a steel cage he’ll be just like Flair. It will be over for Batista too. Kennedy!?!? He comes out looking very thin and with faint scruff on his chin. His mic drops for him as Orton stands on the stage with him shocked. Kennedy says Orton looks kind of surprised. Orton thought it was over? Kennedy thinks it’s just getting started. Tonight marks the official return of the man who will shortly be WWE Champion. Also, that guy is going to be the final guy in the Five On Five Main Event tonight. That man is known as Mr. Kennedy… Orton glares and then leaves the stage. Kennedy…
Michael Clark Duncan is in the front row.
Santino to the ring with his every goofier attitude. Video of Vicki beating Santina last week after Chavo and Regal got involved. Mickie comes bouncing out to the ring in blue. They hug and bounce around together. Chavo and Beth come out with Rosa in tow.
Chavo quickly attacks Santino and works him over. Chavo covers for two and then chokes him in the ropes. Chavo distracts the ref and Beth throttles Santino from behind. Beth tags herself in and goes after Santino who flees. Mickie comes in and hits a sick dropkick right to Beth’s face for two! Chavo in and after Mickie but Santino pulls the ropes so he flies out. Santino flees Beth but Mickie attacks from behind and takes Beth down for three.
- Winners: Mickie & Santino
Vicki out to the stage in a sash and crown. “Excuse me!” She congratulates Santino. But before Santino picks the match for her and Santina she’s not worried as Chavo will be in her corner. Santino says he thought of a Leaning Tower of Pepperoni Match, that he thought of himself. The other was a Pasta Primavera On A Pole Match – that’s a Marella Original! But the one he will chose is a Hog Pen Match. He squeals at her and says she’ll be with the pigs. Chavo backs off and Vicki screams her head off as the music starts.
Out back Miz runs into Big Show. Big Show says he doesn’t like Miz, no one likes Miz. But he’s fine if Miz wants to mix it up with Cena tonight as long as he doesn’t pin Cena. Actually no one pins Cena. At Extreme Rules Big Show has Cena and he’ll make him tap out. Miz mocks Big Show as he leaves and says, “Just like you did at JD.” Big Show comes back and asks what Miz said. Miz said nothing and Big Show said he thought so.
Video from earlier with Vince and Kroenke in the ring together. He talked about the XBA and how it will fail due to Kroenke.
Shattered Dreams Productions and Goldust to the stage. Hornswoggle comes out and they go to the ring together. Primo and Carlito are at announce. Carlito says the head sets have to be made bigger as they don’t fit. He doesn’t see how no one else has issues. Video of Carlito and Primo defeating Kendrick and Goldust last week. Kendrick attacked Goldust after the match until Hornswoggle came in to help. The Brian Kendrick comes out with Festus in tow as his new partner. Festus is in a LA Clippers shirt!
The bell rings and Festus changes. Hornswoggle tags in and Festus is confused. Festus won’t hurt him but Brian tags in and attacks Hornswoggle. Carlito think it’s very wrong. Hornswoggle hits a big DDT on Brian. Goldust tags in and works over Brian with an upper cut. Brian fights back but then Festus won’t tag in. Brian bitch slaps Festus who freaks out. Goldust and Hornswoggle work over Brian and Goldust gets the three.
- Winners: Goldust & Hornswoggle
Festus stands in the ring in his trance while Brian tries to yell at him. Brian goes out and gets a chair. Carlito says he has a surprise. Brian walks around Festus and mocks him. Brian rears back with the chair and Primo rings the bell. Brian flees the ring while Festus goes wild.
JR and Cole talk about how nice it is JR is on RAW and how cool it is that King’s in the main event. They go through the matches slated for Extreme Rules.
Lawrence Tanter the La Lakers’ announcer announces the Nuggets. #1 – The Miz. #6 from Charlotte, NC – Cody Rhodes. #4 from West Palm Beach – Ted DiBiase. #99 from Tampa, FL – Big Show. #15 from St. Louis – Randy Orton. Orton comes out slowly and looks annoyed.
The Nuggets are lined up in the ring. Tanter tells them to get on their feet for their Lakers. #24 from Miami – MVP. #48 from Memphis – Jerry ‘The King’ Lawler. #4 from Green Bay – Mr. Kennedy… Kennedy! #54 from West Newbury, MA – John Cena. #7 from Washington DC – Batista. Batista comes out palming a basketball and the only one in full basketball uniform.
King and Cody start the game. Cody backs King into a corner, but King fights back. Scoop slam to Cody. Batista tags in and works over Cody in a corner. Cody is whipped and then a clothesline and a shoulder to the gut. Cody slammed down and MVP tags in. “MVP” chants. He keeps working over Cody. Upper cut and then clothesline from Cody. Ted tags in and works on MVP. MVP telegraphs and gets kicked for tit. Orton tags in and hits an inverted back breaker. Big Show slammed MVP from outside. Back in Orton pins for two.
Chinlock on MVP from Ted. Jaw breaker on Ted. Miz tags in and stops MVP from tagging out. Chinlock on MVP in the center of the ring. MVP fights back but doesn’t get away. Belly to belly on Miz. MVP finally gets the teg and Kennedy comes in. Clotheslines to Miz. Kennedy is whipped but gets his feet up. Roundhouse kick on Miz for a long two. Kennedy gets Miz up but the ref gets distracted and Legacy drags Kennedy out. Kennedy slammed into the wall back first then sent back in. Miz covered for two. Orton tags in and works over Kennedy hard. Orton stomps Kennedy. A very feminine “Cena” chant. Big Show tags in and stomps Kennedy while Orton holds him. Big Show gets Kennedy up and slams him carefully to the mat. Big Show covers for two. Forearm to Kennedy’s back then a chop to his chest. Cody tags in and stomps Kennedy. Ted tags in and they double team Kennedy. Cody tags in and they double team Kennedy. Cody pins for two. Miz tags in and drops a leg on Kennedy. Kennedy tries to fight back but is slammed into the heel corner. Ted tags in and works over Kennedy. Ted covers for two. Chinlock on Kennedy. Kennedy runs into a back elbow. Orton tags in. Kennedy crumbles and Orton covers twice for two. Chinlock on Kennedy for two. Orton hits a dropkick on Kennedy for two. Batista breaks the count. Chinlock on Kennedy. Back suplex on Orton! Cody tags in. Cena gets the hot tag and destroys Cody. MVP gets the tag and they hit the five knuckle shuffle and ballin’ at the same time! Miz rushes in and King takes care of him. Playmaker from MVP on Cody for three.
- Winners: LA Lakers
Ted rushes in and takes down MVP. Kennedy rushes in and takes out Ted. RKO onto Kennedy. Batista goes in and sets up Orton for a Batista bomb, but Big Show rushes in and grabs Batista for a chokeslam. Cena rushes in for the save bit Big Show grabs Cena in the other hand for a chokeslam. They both kick Big Show and hit a double suplex on Big Show! Batista, Cena and MVP celebrate in the ring. King and Kennedy join them for the party. Kennedy looks sore, but they all pose. King looks thrilled to be with that group.