RAW this week starts with Cena out to the ring. He runs down and into the ring very quickly. He absorbs the pop, pointing around to the fans. Cena says the word of the day is excitement. He’s excited, but is always excited. He looks around the WWE Universe is excited. Even the man at home is excited as ZZ TOP TOP Top is hosting RAW. And we’re less than a week away from NOC. He says that because we all know at NOC we’ll see the best match ever. It will be Cena, Orton and HHH for the WHC. He wants to put it in perspective. Two years ago at WM this was the main event. So what this means… Cena is cut off as Orton’s music plays and he stalks down to the ring with the strap over his shoulder. Orton into the ring and Cena glares. Orton stares at Cena through the heat of the crowd. He says he doesn’t understand why Cena’s so excited. Does he remember what happened at WM? He kicked HHH in the skull and pinned Cena for the victory. “Cena” chants. This Sunday history will repeat itself. Cena says he wasn’t paying attention to Orton as the crowd is so great. He’s thrilled with the guest host. He has music on the brain. Orton’s music says he hears voices in his head. That’s a little creepy. Cena doesn’t hear voices in his head, but he hears 10,000 fans and he thinks they’re saying he should get a jumpstart and pound Orton’s face into mush. Cena puts his mic down. Then Orton does the same. Looks like they’ll fight but Orton goes through the ropes to the apron. Orton picks up his mic and says Cena might want to rethink that. Legacy on each side of the ring, on the apron. Cena takes off his shirt and calls for all three. They start to climb in and HHH’s music hits. He stomps down the ramp and they all leave. HHH into the ring and he looks down at Legacy and Orton over by announce. Cena and HHH stare Orton and Legacy down as they leave around the ring and to the ramp. HHH asks if Randy and the girls were about to start a fight without him. He’s a point he never thought he’d get to. He doesn’t care if he wins the championship this Sunday and doesn’t care if Cena wins. All that matters is Orton doesn’t. After what happened with Seth Green. Seth Green who’s the size of… Cena says Horswoggle? HHH says Seth doesn’t have the weight of Hornswoggle. Cena says a hobbit? HHH is confused by that and asks what a hobbit is. Cena says he watches movies. It’s from LoTR. They’re little guys with fuzzy feet who live in trees. HHH says he doesn’t know what hobbits are. Cena says to trust him, hobbit’s what he’s looking for. HHH says Seth Green’s like the size of a hobbit. Point is that a little, tiny man the size of a hobbit punked out Orton last week. The fans love this. Orton asks if they think he’s embarrassed? Orton wants into the match tonight. He wants to join Legacy in facing HHH and Cena tonight. Cena said well played indeed. Under that anger management problem is an evil genius. Orton knows that if he’s in the match there’s no way Cena and HHH can coexist. HHH agrees. They will both be so thinking about making a statement against Orton that they won’t be able to do it. HHH says it won’t happen. Cena says Orton has done a great job of sabotaging the main event. It’s in the star, he asked the magic 8 ball and it said to ask again later but if they were to accept, they would self destruct. But, despite all that… They both said, at the same time – “We accept!”
King and Cole talk about ZZ Top.
Out back they go to ZZ Top. They say they’ve been waiting a long time for this. They’ve been big fans for a long time and they’re running the show tonight. In walks Santino. He says they’re his favorite band in the galaxy. He calls them zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Top (just the Z sound). Hill corrects him and then Santino gets their names wrong. They correct him. He says he knows all about them. He’s a big fan. They have something special for him. Santino goes off with Gibbons and Hill narrates. They set him up in a white hat and white beard. Also he has a jacket. Hill then gives him “cheap sunglasses” as Santino calls them. They play a little and Santino fake sit with them. It’s hysterical!
Castrol GTX Sludge Slam – Last Monday Big Show faces Evan Bourne with Kofi on announce. Big Show won and then Kofi into the ring. Kofi attacked. Big Show from the ring.
Kofi to the ring. Primo to the ring to tag with Kofi. MVP then out to round out the face team. Jack Swagger comes out. Carlito comes out glaring at his Brother. Big Show comes out to round out the heel team. They all argue in the ring and the ref has to break them up.
Jack and Kofi start. Jack utilizes his amateur background on Kofi, but Kofi covers for two. MVP tags in and they double team with a flapjack. MVP hits ballin’ on Jack but Carlito pulls Jack from the ring.
Jack has a chinlock on Kofi. Carlito tags in, slams Kofi in the heel corner and tags in Big Show. Slap to Kofi’s chest in a corner and then side headlock on Kofi. Huge side headlock takeover on Kofi! Knee drop to Kofi’s chest. Slaps to Kofi’s chest in the heel corner. Carlito tags in and suplexes Kofi for two. Chinlock on Kofi in the center of the ring. Kofi to his feet and out of the hold. Punches to Carlito who fights back with a huge dropkick. Jack comes in with a huge leg drop for two. Big Show holds Kofi in the corner while Carlito tags in. Carlito holds the ropes and Kofi’s dropkick falls short. Kofi gets free and tags in Primo. Primo take sit to Carlito hard! Clothesline then dropkick to Carlito. Cheap attacks to Big Show and Jack as Primo takes Carlito down. Jack breaks the count. Carlito goes for a back cracker but Primo ducks as Big Show rushes in for a spear. Carlito eats the spear and then Kofi sends Big Show flying fromt he ring. Flying headbutt to Carlito from Primo for three.
- Winners: Primo, Kofi & MVP
Big Show spears Primo as he celebrates. Chokeslam to MVP as he comes in. Chokeslam to Jack. Big Show brings Kofi over the top with one hand and throws him down. Big Show leaves the carnage behind him as he goes up the ramp without looking back until the stage. Cole pushed ‘Dave & Busters’ as the sponsor of that match, through the whole thing – sounded like the night without commercials that they pushed KFC like it was going out of style.
Out back ZZ Top and Carlito are still with guitars. They talk about Big Show and ZZ Top’s tour with Aerosmith. Jericho comes in and comments about them being together for the first time, two icons in entertainment. It’s a special moment. He’s a big fan of their band and he’s sure they’re a fan of his band, Fozzy. They were confused. He said they’ve been around 40 years and Fozzy’s been around 10 years, so they’re 25% as good as them. Hill asks Gibbons about Fozzy. Jericho wants to jam later, but they have a plan for Jericho. They want him to face Henry. He asks how he’s supposed to have a match against him. They asked how back. “How” kept going around and they started playing again until Jericho left. Santino “playing” along with them.
The Brian Kendrick telling King and Cole something. King tells him to get in the ring. Brian gets on mic and starts yelling at King about being ½ of the Tag Team Titles for over a year. He calls Lilian toots and tells her to bring out his opponent. King stops her and says to let him introduce his opponent. She leaves the ring and King says his opponent hails from Memphis, Tennessee and is in the HOF. Obviously it’s King. “Jerry” chants.
Brian grabs King’s hand and asks where the ring is. King slaps him. Brian kicks King to the back of the head and locks on a headlocks wile screaming at King. Brian all over King. Another head/armlock on King. King fights back with punches and Brian down. Dropkick from King but then Brian take shim down with a dropkick. Smack talk from Brian. King counters out of The Kendrick. King off the corner with a flying right for three.
- Winner: Jerry ‘The King’ Lawler
King smiles and leaves the ring while Brian holds his mouth and looks pissed.
Josh on the stage with Mickie. He says she’s never been defeated by Maryse, until last week. Does she have a psychological effect over Mickie? Mickie sneered at the Swimsuit Match Maryse won and said Sunday’s the Night of Champions, not Trampions. Ever since Maryse showed up on RAW she’s acted like she owns the place. Time for a reality check and Mickie’s the person to do it. Come Sunday… Out comes Miz. Miz says she wants a real reality check? Maryse walks, talks and acts like a Champion. In ten years Mickie will be working as a waitress at Waffle House. Mickie laughs. Miz says Maryse was so ridiculously sexy compared to Mickie. It was like watching Charliz Theron wrestle Rachael Ray. Mickie asked if he got that of the internet like all his material. Or is Miz still sour as she scored a pinfall off Maryse where he can’t score at all. Suddenly Maryse is there and sprayed something – hairspray? – in Mickie’s face. Maryse poses while Mickie writhes on the stage in pain.
Out back Mark Henry heads for the ring with a smile on his face.
Jericho out to the ring without his title belt. Mark Henry comes out with a big smile on his face. Video from last week when Henry attacked Jericho. Jericho was counted out of the match.
Henry advanced on Jericho who fled the ring. Jericho up on the apron on the other side and got in after the ref made Henry back off. Jericho back out of the ring. Jericho up the steps on the other side and on the apron. Jericho back in at nine. Henry threw Jericho down. Jericho back with a kick and punches. Henry grabbed Jericho’s arm and raised Jericho high in the air. Jericho slammed down to the mat. Henry stood on Jericho in a corner. Henry started to climb but Jericho kicked the back of his leg dropping Henry to the mat. Jericho kept Henry down and kept kicking and attacking Henry’s ankle. Henry up and Jericho hit punches and a dropkick. Couple chop blocks and Henry down. Jericho pins but Henry throws him off, sending Jericho far. Jericho squashed in a corner and goes back after Henry’s leg. Clothesline to Jericho and then a huge hip toss. Giant swing and Jericho sent flying across the ring. Henry gets Jericho up but Jericho elbows out and Henry slammed down face first. Jericho tries for the walls! Henry kicks Jericho out of the ring through the ropes. Henry follows Jericho out. Jericho uses a chair and the ref calls for the bell.
- Winner: Mark Henry via DQ
Henry grabs the chair from Jericho and sends Jericho flying over the announce table. Back in the ring Jericho tries for a code breaker but Henry grabs Jericho in mid-air and hits a world’s strongest slam. Henry poses on a corner and gets decent pop when he calls for it with hand motions. Replay of the DQ. Henry has the fans going hard with his hand motions, they love him!
Out back with Santino and ZZ Top. Santino asks about condition for their beard. Chavo comes in and says he’s disgusted with how he’s been treated on RAW by wrestling a leprechaun. He’s a Guerrero. They put him in another match with Hornswoggle. Hill says normally this would be a Tuxedo Match, but they want to call it The Sharp Dressed Man Match. Chavo likes this and leaves. They all say “Everybody’s crazy about a sharp dressed man” and start playing.
WWE Rewind – Chavo and Hornswoggle two weeks ago. Chavo on his knees. Hornswoggle won after Chavo cheated.
Lilian had to stop announcing as she was laughing too hard and heard something off to the side. She looked to her left, then had to start over. She never explained the match. Hornswoggle comes out with a new haircut and no face pain in a great tux. Chavo comes out tucking in his shirt and staggering as his tux pants are more like a skirt – they’re sewn together. His jacket in hand. He puts his jacket on as he tries to stagger down the ramp. Video of Seth Green making a match between Chavo and Hornswoggle with Chavo’s arm tied behind his back. Hornswoggle won that one too. Hornswoggle mocks Chavo’s walking down. Chavo has to jump up the steps and then roll under the ropes to get in. Hornswoggle, King and Cole are laughing hysterically. Chavo screams he can’t wrestle this way.
Hornswoggle chases Chavo around the ring laughing. Hornswoggle gets Chavo’s jacket off. Chavo’s tie comes off. Hornswoggle grabs Chavo’s shirt, pulls and gets it off. Chavo clotheslines Hornswoggle. Chavo to his feet and gets Hornswoggle jacket off. Chavo gets one of Hornswoggle’ s shoes off and throws hit at him. Chavo talks smack and grabs Hornswoggle by the shirt. Hornswoggle grabs Chavo and sends him into the ropes. Hornswoggle starts grabbing the pants and gets them off leaving Chavo in his Joe Boxers.
- Winner: Hornswoggle
Hornswoggle sends Chavo from the ring as he covers the front and back of himself even though he’s in boxers.
Out back HHH is taping up. Cena comes in and thanks HHH. HHH says it’s not necessary. Cena says he was shocked that HHH says he doesn’t care as long as Orton loses. HHH says he’s known HHH long enough to know he doesn’t mean it. Cena says tonight they can shut Orton and Legacy up. HHH says tonight they can count on each other, but on Sunday… Cena says yes, Sunday, he wouldn’t have it any other way. Cena leaves and HHH says him either.
ZZ Top and Santino. Santino talks about them running RAW together. Hill says it’s been a great night, but something’s missing. Kelly comes in. Santino calls her Kelly Kelly Kelly. Santino set up a chair and leaves. Kelly puts a foot up on the chair and they start playing Legs. Fox shows up behind Kelly and brushes her off. She leaves and Fox dances. The Kim comes in and does the same as Fox leaves. Then Rosa comes in and dances. Finally Santino is back, makes her leave and removes his pants to show his Speedo. They stop playing. They do the guitar wiggle and say they’re out of there and leave. Santino says it’s can’t be his legs as they’re great. He dances around in the beard, hat, glasses, T-shirt and Speedo!
In the ring are King and Cole. King says Santino’s got legs but he shouldn’t have used them! They then go through the matches slated for NOC.
Out back Jericho is walking along and is confronted by Legacy. Cody says they could jump Jericho right now. Ted says why do that as then they wouldn’t get to see who Jericho’s tag team partner is on Sunday. He asks who Jericho’s partner is? He then says Jericho doesn’t have one. Ted asks who in his right mind would want to be seen with this self righteous condescending loser? Cody says it’s a little harsh. Jericho is second generation like them. Then again Jericho’s father was a bench warming hockey player. Not everyone’s dad can be a WWE Legend. Jericho tells them to be careful who they’re talking to, he’s had more titles than them and their fathers combined. Second of all, he is condescending and self righteous, but he isn’t a loser. He has the whole WWE roster knocking down his door to be the other half. They understand the prestige of being a Champion. Ted says they do. After they leave Jericho laying in a pile, possibly Orton will come out and kick Jericho in the head so he can join his old pal Edge in the recovery room. Cody says you never know. Jericho says you’re right, you never know. Orton could be his partner!
Shaquille O’Neal will be hosting RAW next week!
Lilian announce the next match as a ZZ Top Legs Match. Gail Kim in blue shorts and a black fishnet top comes out with Kelly in pink shirts and a silver sports bra type top to Kelly’s music. Rosa’s music and out come Fox in a black halter top and black and gold micro-mini with Rosa in a blue sashed halter and black shorts.
Rosa tries to kick Kelly in the gut and about missed. Kelly chokes Rosa in a corner and then puts the other foot up, choking Rosa with both feet. She somehow wraps her ankles around Rosa’s neck, her hands on the mat, and sends Rosa flying across the ring! Rosa tags out hard, slapping Fox’s arm. Fox screams in pain. Kelly flips Fox over the top and into the ring to land on her back. Kelly rolls Fox up for two. Arm bar and Kim tags in. Kim jumps up and hits a hurricanrana for two. Rosa rushes along the apron screaming at Kim as she climbs. Kim kicks Rosa in the chest and keeps going. Kim flies but Fox hits a one footed dropkick on a flying Kim. Kim lands on her knee and holds it tightly. Fox pins for two. Fox slams Kim into the heel corner and Rosa tags in. Bad suplex on Kim for two. Rosa is pissed that it wasn’t three. Fox tags in and is whipped but gets her feet up to kick Kim in the face. Kim gets to Kelly and tags out. Tilt-a-while head scissors on Fox then back hand spring flips back elbow to Fox but Rosa breaks the count. Kim in and takes Rosa out and flies over the top onto Rosa. Fox hits a cheap shot on Kelly and gets the three.
- Winners: Rosa & Fox
The celebrate on the ramp while the faces commiserate in the ring.
Lilian announces ZZ Top who come out in THE car! They shake hands of fans. King and Cole push the new ZZ Top album. They never come to the ring!
Orton comes out with Ted and Cody. They pose in the ring. HHH comes out with his long entrance. His intro was more than two full minutes. Cena runs out to the ring quickly.
Cena and Cody start the match. Cena gains the upper hand and whips Cody. Bulldog to Cody. Cody into the face corner and HHH tags in. Delayed vertical suplex to Cody that about lasted forever! Cheap shot on Ted, Orton dropped from the apron to avoid it. Knee drop on Cody. Ted rushes in and HHH sends him flying. Cody is clotheslined form the ring. Orton rushes in to attack HHH from behind but Cena rushes in and attacks. Orton rolls from the ring. Ted and Cody in, HHH and Cena clothesline Ted and Cody from the ring. Legacy and Orton regroup in front of announce.
Ted goes to clothesline Cena who ducks. They each clothesline each other and both are down. They both tag out. HHH starts taking it to Cody who ducks a clothesline but takes a high knee. Face buster to Cody and then cheap shots to Ted and Orton. Cody gets HHH backed into the heel corner and Ted tags in. The double team him and HHH tries to fight his way out with punches. HHH is whipped and goes over the top. Outside Orton slams HHH’s face on the steps. In the ring Orton tags in and punches on HHH. Then Cody tags in and stomps him. Ted tags in and stomps. Orton tags in and stomps. HHH is flat on the mat in the heel corner. Ted tags in and chokes HHH with his foot. The ref admonishes Ted and Orton chokes HHH from outside the ring. Kick to the back of HHH’s head and Ted covers for two. Orton tags in and stomps HHH’s gut. Orton hits an interesting flying knee drop on HHH for two. Cody tags in and stomps HHH. Cody drops a knee and covers for two. “HHH” chants. Cody drops another knee for two. Front facelock on HHH. Cena is chomping at the bit to get in the match. Cena gets the fans going as HHH to his feet. HHH gets Cody up and back, but HHH can’t get to his corner. Cody gets HHH back on the mat in the front facelock hold. “HHH” chants! HHH to his feet and Cody up, but he can’t reach Cena and back on the mat in the hold. HHH up to his knees and gets Cody up again, but HHH can’t get there and takes HHH down. Orton tags in and stalks HHH for the RKO. HHH pushes Orton off and into a corner face first but HHH runs into Orton’s back elbow. Somehow HHH hits a spinebuster on Orton. Both are down. Cena’s about turning himself inside out on the apron. The fans are wild and Cena’s about insane. Cody tags in and HHH makes it to Cena. The hot tag Cena takes Cody down and then hits the five knuckle shuffle. Cody up for the AA but Ted rushes in. Ted eats a Cena right. Cody kicks Cena in the gut. Drop toe hold to Cody and Cena locks on the STF. Ted slides in and kicks Cena in the head to break the hold. HHH in and grabs Ted. Ted sent form the ring. Outside HHH throws Ted into the barrier. Orton on the apron and gets the tag. Orton runs to punt Cena’s head off but Cena moves. Cena rolls Orton up for three.
- Winners: Cena & HHH
Orton paces on the bottom of the ramp. The ref keeps Orton from getting back in the ring. Video of the end of the match. Cena and HHH stare at each other. Cena extends his hand. HHH shakes. They then stare up at Orton.