Report by: Hunter Golden of WrestleView.com
Ozzie and Sharon are in the ring and yelling a lot. They played a quick highlight package of Ozzie’s past escapades in the WWE before the Mis’s music hti and he came out to the ring. They got into a ‘realllly’ war… really. Miz wants them to strike last week’s loss from the record book. Ozzie made some funny faces.
The Legacy’s music hit and they came out to the ring. They said they had a real complaint, that Kofi had vandalized their personal property. They want a handicapped match against Kofi. Big Show then came out and said he was physically accosted on Raw last week. He threatened Ozzie with a right hand and we got our obligatory ‘Sharon’ scream from Ozzie.
DX came out next to try and iron this all out. They convinced Ozzie to put Evan Bourne in a match with The Miz for the US title. Also, Randy Orton will face Kofi Kingston. Big Show was a little disgruntled about the way the matches were being made and attempted to interject himself, but it back fired and he ended up in a triple threat match with Chris Jericho and John Cena.
United States Championship
The Miz vs. Evan Bourne
Miz struck first with a knee lift before putting the boots to Bourne up against the ropes. Bourne attempted to reverse an arm drag and it turned into a hurricanranna and a heel kick that sent the champion reeling. Bourne hit double knees to the outside before chucking Miz back into the ring for a two count.
Miz caught Bourne with another knee to the gut before hot-shotting him on the top rope. Miz hit a hard kick to the ribs before wrapping Bourne up in an abdominal stretch. Bourne fought out and hit another nasty heel kick to bring momentum back into his favor. Bourne kneed out of a vertical suplex and a second rope heel kick for a great near fall.
Bourne beat Miz into the corner and went for an SSP, but Miz rolled out of the way. Bourne landed on his feet and went to charge the champion, only to get hip tossed into the corner. Miz hit the skull crushing finale for the win.
Winner and STILL United States Champion: The Miz via pin fall
Seamus cut a promo on what he’d do to Jamie Noble.
Seamus vs. Jamie Noble
Seamus jumped Noble stomping the crap out of him before bullying him to the floor and sending him face first into the ring post. Back in the ring, he hit a vicious lariat from behind before tearing away at Nobles’ face.
Seamus hit a ton of knees to the mid section before hitting his half nelson back breaker set up into the jump kick into the skull. He went for the pin but wasn’t satisfied. He beat him down in the corner until the official stopped the match.
Winner: Seamus via Ref stoppage
After the match, Seamus pounded the crap out of Noble, culminating with a HUGE power bomb to the floor. The EMT’s came out to attend to Noble, who looks like someone shot him.
A video aired putting over the happenings between Kofi Kingston and Randy Orton last week.
Kofi cut a promo with Josh Matthews. He says he didn’t regret what he did last week. Orton, in his view, was a bully and like any bully would, he blames everyone else for his problems. Kofi said he destroyed his car last week, but he left him the one thing he should try using: the mirror.
Randy Orton vs. Kofi Kingston
Orton came right at Kingston and piled him into the corner connecting with a barrage of stomps and a big European uppercut. Orton missed a right hand and ate a drop kick and got clotheslined to the ring side area.
Kofi pursued Orton to the outside and after a few right hands, found himself trying to fight off the Legacy on the outside. He hit a great suicide dive into the Legacy. As the group circled the ring, the Osbournes popped up on the Titan Tron, saying they knew this would happen. They declared this match now a six man tag match and Mark Henry and MVP came marching out to have the match.
Kofi Kingston, MVP and Mark Henry vs. Randy Orton, Cody Rhodes & Ted Dibiase
We came back to Kofi hitting a series of forearms on Dibiase and Rhodes. MVP tagged in and he and Kingston hit a boom boom leg drop and a ballin’ elbow in succession. Mark Henry tagged in and began giving away head butts like candy.
Dibiase and Rhodes attempted to double team him, only to get whipped hard to the buckles. MVP tagged in and went for the Chono kick but ate a boot to the grill. The heels went to work, hitting a back drop and then a knee to the back of the head for a two count.
Cody hit a knee drop before slapping on a half nelson on the mat. Orton went to work, hitting a knee and then slapping on his rear chin lock. MVP fought to his feet and fought out of the hold with elbows, only for Orton to attempt a whip. Orton hit a kick to the grill but ate a lariat.
Henry caught a hot tag and started laying people out with lariats. Orton clipped his legs and attempted an RKO, but Henry picked him up in mid air and tossed him out to the ring side area. He loaded up Cody for a world’s strongest slam and connected. Kill whitey.
Winners: Kofi Kingston, Mark Henry and MVP via pin fall
It’s time for Raw’s got talent.
Great Khali is out here to judge with Ozzy and Sharon. Santino comes out and bombs by biting the head off a batman doll. Chris Masters is up next and steals the show. Period. Masters flexes his pecks in sync with ‘crazy train’ and it might be the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. Jillian and Chavo sang a duet before getting slapped by Sharon. Hornswoggle poppes up dressed as Jack Osborne and frog splashes Chavo because it’s not Raw without Chavo getting beat at something by Hornswoggle.
Divas Battle Royal
Gail Kim vs. Kelly Kelly vs. The Bella Twins vs. Eve Torres vs. Alicia Foxx
Winner is the #1 contender for the Divas title. Here’s order of elimination:
1. Gail Kim (Kelly)
2. Nicki Bella (Eve)
3. Brie Bella (Eve)
4. Eve (Alicia)
5. Kelly (Alicia)
Winner: Alicia Foxx
During the match, Jack Swagger came down to the ring and distracted Eve long enough for her to get eliminated.
King and Cole gave us a medical update on Jamie Noble, who has serious neck and back injured.
Chris Jericho has a back and forth with the Osbornes. He says if they mess with him, they’ll have problems.
DX has Hornswoggle on a hook in the back and are pleading with him to stop infringing on their intellectual property. Cena comes in and warns DX about the dangers of hanging Leprechauns on hooks. They go back and forth about who beat who and of course, there’s a ‘we beat each other every time’ reference which gets an awkward pause.
Triple Threat Match
John Cena vs. Chris Jericho vs. Big Show
DX are on commentary.
Cena fought off Big Show on the outside before hitting a fisherman’s buster on Jericho in the ring. Show dragged Cena to the outside. Once back in the ring, Jericho attempted a cover that Show broke up. The two partners fought for a little while before teaming up on Cena.
Cena fought back with right hands and a shoulder block onto Big Show that got him nowhere. Show stood on Cena up against the ropes as Jericho dropped elbows on him. Jericho hit a back drop on the champion before Show stalked him in the corner talking smack. Jericho reigned blows down on Cena’s head before the two whipped Cena hard to the buckles.
Cena fought back with rights and lefts before whipping Big Show and hip tossing Jericho. Cena hit a big bulldog only to get cut in half by a Big Show spear. Jericho hit a lion sault for a near fall, only for Show to yank him off. The two partners bickered back and forth before Jericho slapped Show. Show clotheslined him over the top rope and went for a knockout punch but whiffed. Cena came off the ropes and dodged a choke slam before panicking on an FU attempt.
Show brought Cena to the corner and set up a Vader bomb. Show sailed off the middle rope and missed. Cena got a foot up on the charge attempt before finally hitting a shoulder block that sent Show reeling to the outside. Jericho ate some shoulder blocks of his own before Cena loaded up a five knuckle shuffle. He loaded Jericho up for the FU, but Show decked Cena in the face with a right hand. Cena fell back with Jericho on top of him who made the cover for the win.
Winner: Chris Jericho via pin fall
After the match, Show and Jericho looked to pick the bones but DX ran in to save the day. HBK got KO’d on the way into the ring while Triple H ate a code breaker. Jericho and Big Show stood triumphant in the ring as we went off the air.